How to Handle an Ex Who’s Also Your Roommate

ex who’s also your roommateMoving in together is an exciting time. You’re full of love and can’t wait to spend as much time together as possible.

But breakups are the exact opposite. Whether the separation is because of betrayal and mistrust, or just hurt feelings, your ex is usually the last person you want to see. Alternatively, maybe you do still want to see them, even though you know it’s not good for you. Either way, continuing to live with your ex can make it hard to move on, even if doing so is a financial necessity. To make it a little easier, we’ve come up with six tips on how you can handle an ex who’s also your roommate:

  • Set Boundaries

This is especially important for living expenses and household chores. Where you may not have kept track of who did what when you were a couple, one person leaving all the bills and/or work to the other after a breakup can lead to resentment, so set boundaries ASAP. Who’s going to pay which bills and who’s responsible for which chores?

  • Sleep in Different Rooms

This is a big one, for obvious reasons. Even if you’re sleeping in separate beds, sleeping in the same room is still very intimate, which is why you need to stop doing it as soon as you break up. If that means one of you sleeps on the couch, so be it. To keep things as equal as possible, you can even try to take turns sleeping on the couch, assuming your relationship is still strong enough to handle that kind of negotiation and you can both agree to a schedule and stick to it.

  • Don’t Bring Dates Home

Just don’t do it. You may have moved on, but they may not. Or they may be trying, but seeing you with someone else could set them back. It might be hard to talk (or even think) about dating when you’ve just broken up, but it’s best that you and your ex talk as soon after the breakup as possible about if/when you can each bring dates home.

  • Stop Doing Things Together

This can be tough if you’ve lived together for a long time and have an established routine. For example, you used to cook together, stop. The same goes for cooking for them or letting them cook for you. Once you’ve broken up, you’re both responsible for your own meals.

And certainly don’t drink together. While “grabbing a drink” might sound harmless, it can quickly lead to one or both of you overindulging, which can result in fighting and that just makes everything worse.

  • Set a Move-Out Date

Finally, you need to decide as soon as possible who’s moving out and when. Are you both moving out? Is one staying and the other leaving? If you bought a house together, that can make the situation even more complicated. Regardless of the obstacles, you need to find a way to work through them so you can live apart and start moving on with your separate lives sooner, rather than later.

  • Divide any property you have together.

This is where legal help may be needed, as jointly held assets between non-married couples may have to resort to filing legal action to divide that property.  Whether it’s a house, a car, or other items of property that are in joint names, you should speak to an attorney who is experienced in filing partition suits in the event you and your ex cannot agree on the division of your property.

The attorneys at Sherer Law Offices have been providing legal representation for real estate cases, criminal cases, and all types of family law for more than 25 years. Our experienced divorce attorneys will take the time to really listen to your unique situation so that they can plan strategies that can best protect your best interests. 

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisements. See additional disclaimers here.